"Your Vagina is streched out more then a 20yr old sun damaged trampoline with a 400 lb guy bouncing on it. Ya Whore"
Comedy Network founded by Chelsea Handler, Chuy and Comedians of Chelsea Lately
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Jackie G.
- Female
- United States
- Lena, WI
- Blog Posts (59)
- Discussions (1)
- Groups (4)
- Photos (77)
- Photo Albums
- Videos
Jackie G.'s Groups
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Jackie G.'s Page
Latest Activity
Jackie G. posted a status"I did great Sat. night for my first gig as a Guest Stand Up Comedian @Skyline Comedy Cafe, opened for JR Brow. Can't wait 2go back!"
Jackie G. posted a status"Surprised Amy Winehouse is dead. Thought she was a pro @ sucking @ life and being wasted 24/7. How are they guna fit her hair in the casket"
Jackie G. posted a status"Ladies STOP doing fish lips in all your pics! Mouth looks like puckered up Asshole, like u smelled a fart, & a splintered 2x4 is up your ass"
Jackie G. posted a status"Confidence Booster: Go to Walmart and people watch... It will totally make you feel better about yourself."
Jackie G. posted a status"On the movie Billy Madison; Adam Sandler says "You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants". Well what happens when you shit your pants then?"
Jackie G. posted a status"Anyone else wake up and piss Perfection and shit Sunshine? I wish I could fart Flowers and burp Butterflies."
Jackie G. posted a status"Hot Racks & Sweaty Cracks. This is what happens to all the fat bitches in WI on a 80+ degree day.#buttsweat #drippyboobs"
Jackie G. posted a status"Any1 that lives in WI come out July 23rd 10:15pm show I'm opening as a guest comedian! (http://skylinecomedy.com/show.cfm?id=88943)"
Jackie G. posted a status"Girls that wear Playboy Bunny EVERYTHNG are wanna be Strippers/Hookers/Porn Stars. They are 2ugly to get in2 Playboy but think they are hot"
Jackie G. posted a status"Since when did this become a site for advertising and selling shit? This isn't QVC lol"
Jackie G. posted a status"Casey Anthony Not Guilty. Teach her a lesson, cut out her Uterus & sew up her Vag so she can't reproduce anymore. WTF"
Jackie G. posted a blog postHappy 4th~ Safety First
It's time to bust out the Patriotic Banana Hammock Speedo's again folks. The 4th of July weekend is upon us. So strap on some Glow Stix onto your thongs and smash some Lightning Bugs onto your nipples for a little extra glow while doing back flips through your back yard at midnight on the 4th. Who needs fireworks!? And make sure to wear your arm floaties in the pool so you don't drown while playing "hide the hotdog" with the neighbor kids. Or you could get the extra long colorful Sparklers…See More
Profile Information
- What City Are you in?
- Lena, WI
- About Me:
- I'm a small town 28yr old girl with a trucker mouth, dirty sense of humor, hilarious sarcastic witty mind, and don't care if I piss anyone off.
Now if I were to describe why I am who I am I'd say I'm a mixture of my parents being Betty Crocker/ Bea Arthur/ George Carlin/ Roseanne/ Chuck Norris/ a Sailor turned Trucker/ J-lo and I would be their spawn. Seeing as most people say I'm funny, sweet as an old lady but yet swear worse then a trucker and sailor combined, am outspoken and have a loud mouth, have an ass like J-lo, like to cook, and beat up stupid people that piss me off then I'd say that's an accurate description of me.
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER:
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I am in the begining stages of writting a book, it's similar to the books Chelsea Handler has written and from what people have read so far they LOVE it. It's similar to my blog posts but well written. Unlike my rants on here where I quickly type up a few paragraphs about useless funny bullshit. I'm also dabbling in Stand Up Comedy as well. (Seeing as I ALWAYS have something to talk about)
In my book I talk about all the crazy ass stuff that I've seen and been through in my life. I could honestly write 10 books about everything I've encountered. Now if I could just get it looked at by someone who wants to do something with it then I'd be happy. I have no clue where to go or how to go about any of that process. I've emailed over 150 literary agents, publicists, comedians, and TV producers. I also have an idea for a TV show too. Honestly it will be hard for me to get noticed I think because I do have a off the wall sense of humor, dirty mind, and swear alot.
About Me:
I’m a viciously hilarious girl from a small ass town in Northeastern WI, no seriously the town I live in is only about 700 people and I'm pretty sure in the last census everyone included their dogs as children to get more free government assistance . On a lighter note I was an accident and that’s no joke. (Most women get knocked up on accident in the first place, don’t let anyone fool ya) But I was brought into this world in the early 80’s by accident, my parents where already on the outs, and before I could wipe my own ass my parents were divorced. I have several older siblings that all kick ass, I'm the baby of our disFUNctional family.
I grew up on Punky Brewster, Strawberry Shortcake, My little Ponies, Cabbage Patch Kids, and the Smurfs. And when parachute pants (MC Hammer style) were the shit right along with tight rolling you’re stoned washed Levi’s and when Madonna had torpedo tits. What were people thinking! It wasn’t my choice for my mother to dress me up in Hot Pink sweat suits with fluorescent puff paint all over them that looked like I’d been thrown up on by Rainbow Bright tripping on Acid.
All the messed up shit I've seen and been through in my life has made me the tough little funny bitch that I am today!
Photos
Jackie G.'s Blog
Can We Say Meth Addict?!?
Posted on February 9, 2012 at 9:33am 0 Comments 0 Likes
Home Alone star Macaulay Culkin's looking like a skeleton these days!
Happy 4th~ Safety First
Posted on July 1, 2011 at 2:00pm 0 Comments 0 Likes
It's time to bust out the Patriotic Banana Hammock Speedo's again folks. The 4th of July weekend is upon us. So strap on some Glow Stix onto your thongs and smash some Lightning Bugs onto your nipples for a little extra glow while doing back flips through your back yard at midnight on the 4th. Who needs fireworks!? And make sure to wear your arm floaties in the pool so you don't drown while playing "hide the hotdog" with the neighbor kids.
Or you could get the extra…
Continue Funny Shit on my mind....
Posted on June 30, 2011 at 11:30am 0 Comments 0 Likes
HERE ARE MY OWN PERSONAL TWITTER POSTS FROM THE LAST WEEK. THOUGHT SOME OF YOU NEEDED A LAUGH
***WTF I seriously can't get the hot 1991 Song "I Wanna Sex You Up" by the hit R&B group Color Me Badd out of…
Chicks on Welfare should only be allowed to take it up the ass
Posted on June 29, 2011 at 12:30pm 4 Comments 0 Likes
Chicks on Welfare should only be allowed to take it up the ass. Why you ask? Well because we don't need any more fucked up people in this world, and you can't have Anal babies and suck the government dry of Welfare.
I really dislike chicks that sit and bitch all day long that they have such a hard stressful life as a stay at home…
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