I need a man in my life!

I just spent 45 minutes trying to screw lightbulbs into my ceiling fan.  And I could only get 2 out of 4.  What the hell?  It doesn't look like it would be hard, but those damn bulbs would not screw in for me!

This is one of the many reasons I need a man in my life...to screw in lightbulbs and then screw me (that was dirty...ooppsie!).

I live downtown Chicago now, but I'm originally from a small ass town in the middle of nowhere.  Freeburg is my hometown's official name, but it's also known as the home of the fighting midgets.  YES, I'm being serious! 

My highschool mascot was a midget.  Our slogan was "Blue Rage."  I never knew how fucked up and politically incorrect it was until I went away to college and emerged into the real world. 

My freshman year of college I would walk around campus…

I started out 2011 with a bang (I mean a bite)!...About an hour after midnight I get bit in the face by a dog.  We were celebrating NYE at my friend's boyfriend's house and up until I get bit by a dog it had been the best New Years party I'd ever been to.  We ate, drank, sang, danced, and basically acted like idiots...all in the comfort of someone's home.

Around 1AM...I was starting to get a little tipsy.  I saw my friend Kelly sitting on the couch next to my friend Megan's…

My friend Kelly called me today and could barely breathe because she was laughing so hard.  She managed to spit out that she was talking to a guy earlier in the day that we use to live next to in college. 

They were casually catching up on and he said, "so, Michelle, has a kid now, huh?" 

She was like, "Haha!  What are you talking about?!"

Apparently he saw pictures and comments that I've been posting on facebook of my sister's little baby and somehow…